In terms of structure, the author was able to present the main idea of the essay in the outline. Using a question as the essay's hook, Bayanihan was defined. This rhetorical move is very common in extended definition essay introductions, therefore, I found the style used in essay very common. In the body, although the connection of the cultural value of Bayanihan and the support of Filipinos abroad for the national athletes of the Philippines was established, the concept was not well-explained. The author lacked the use of transitional devices and connecting phrases and jumped directly to the topic of sports making the main idea of first part of the essay's body unclear.
The purpose of the essay was clear as to inform but it failed to establish the main idea of the thsesis statement. Rather than showing the connection of Bayanihan to patriotism in terms of sports, the essay showed more sports facts and the achievements of the national teams of the Philippines. The in-text citations did not follow the APA format and the conclusion failed to establish a final stand or idea of the essay.
In my opinion, rather than focusing on the teams or sport facts, the author should have given examples on how the Filipino sports fans show their support to their national teams who compete in the various competitions held worldwide.
Of Ink and Needle:
The topic was presented in the outline. The author followed the basic parts of the essay using an anecdote as a hook, beliefs on peircing & tatoos as backgroud information and the author was able to state the thesis statement in the introduction. The author used Definition in the first part of the essay’s body, stating the dictionary definition of tatoos and piercings. Apart from the dictionary meaning of the topic, the deeper meaning of piercings and tattoos were shown in the essay as they were means to outshine other individuals. The author also used Example as a rhetorical move for the second part of the essay’s body while incorporating various connecting phrases and words to show the sequence of ideas clearly. The essay was able to present the author’s purpose to inform and, in a way, pursuade the ideas of the readers. The conclusion was able to leave an impact on the minds of the audience. And over-all, the essay was well-written, properly constructed and informative.
*This was critiqued with Finnick Odair
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